Ah, the moment of suspension. In Lispa training it's that moment when things could go in any direction, like when you're on tiptoe and can't hold your balance. Or it's the gathering moment when the ocean wave... is... almost... ready... to come crashing down. That's where I'm living now.
I just don't know what lies ahead. Two years ago I left ministry at age 53 and plunged into a two-year program in physical theatre, not as a performer but as someone needing to do creative work and feeling a pull into creative work of a different kind, not knowing where it would lead. Some people called it a foolish thing to do. (I wouldn't argue the point.) Some called it brave. (I'm not one to say.) Some called it a great leap of faith. I'm feeling that more than ever these days.
It's often been very hard for me to trust that things will work out well. (What is well, after all?) Especially for me to trust that things will work out for the good, that famous biblical statement from Paul notwithstanding. And now here I am, two years and a world of experiences on, on tiptoe, leaning, wavering, riding the cresting wave and not seeing what lies ahead. And somehow, for now at least, thank God, I'm OK with that.
That's not to say that I don't wish for clarity. I do. And I've had some plans in mind, but the route to at least one of the main ones has become blocked. But one of the teachings of Lispa is that the moment of suspension is the alive moment, the creative moment, and without it nothing truly new can happen.
It's not too much of a stretch to call it a statement of faith.
1 comment:
Eric, I just wanted to say I've really enjoyed reading your posts over the past couple of years. They've been wonderfully thoughtful and reflective, and really brought home the challenges and achievements. Congratulations on finishing the course, and I hope that whatever comes after this ... moment ... will be fulfilling.
Phil (from the same year as Isabel)
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