Moment of suspension

Ah, the moment of suspension. In Lispa training it's that moment when things could go in any direction, like when you're on tiptoe and can't hold your balance. Or it's the gathering moment when the ocean wave... is... almost... ready... to come crashing down. That's where I'm living now.

I just don't know what lies ahead. Two years ago I left ministry at age 53 and plunged into a two-year program in physical theatre, not as a performer but as someone needing to do creative work and feeling a pull into creative work of a different kind, not knowing where it would lead. Some people called it a foolish thing to do. (I wouldn't argue the point.) Some called it brave. (I'm not one to say.) Some called it a great leap of faith. I'm feeling that more than ever these days.

It's often been very hard for me to trust that things will work out well. (What is well, after all?) Especially for me to trust that things will work out for the good, that famous biblical statement from Paul notwithstanding. And now here I am, two years and a world of experiences on, on tiptoe, leaning, wavering, riding the cresting wave and not seeing what lies ahead. And somehow, for now at least, thank God, I'm OK with that.

That's not to say that I don't wish for clarity. I do. And I've had some plans in mind, but the route to at least one of the main ones has become blocked. But one of the teachings of Lispa is that the moment of suspension is the alive moment, the creative moment, and without it nothing truly new can happen.

It's not too much of a stretch to call it a statement of faith.

Starting over

At this point the question is probably, "Why bother?" Why start blogging again after so much time of silence and so much water under the bridge? I guess I'm entering into a reflective stage again. What's ahead? No answers right now, but you're welcome to accompany me as I reflect on the past two years and where I go next.

I've graduated from Lispa. The school year ended a week ago, and this week has been one of saying au revoir to folks. Some I'll never see again, some I'll see sooner than I think. But who can tell which is which? It's also been a week of trying to do things in London I haven't had time for, so I saw two movies and three plays, visited several museums, went to Evensong at Westminster Abbey, and had many a coffee appointment. Also a long visit with Thomas, the head of the school. Some of that conversation will lead to things I'll write about later.

But tonight, as I've just about finished packing up all my stuff--most of it to take home, some of it to store here for later shipping or carrying back (it's become incredibly expensive to check more than 2 bags)--it just seemed the time to blow the dust off the blog.

Further construction ahead. Drive slowly.